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tv   The Nightly Show With Larry Wilmore  Comedy Central  February 16, 2015 9:45am-10:16am PST

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) it's 11:30. do you know where your kids are? of course you do. they're asleep next to you. and they're 26. ( laughter ) so unlatch your 12-year-old from your gluten-free teet, and let's start this thing. this is "the nightly show." captioning sponsored by comedy central ♪ ♪ ♪ ( cheers ) >> larry: thank you very much. welcome to "the nightly show." i appreciate it. that's so nice of youifies. thanks for waiting. audience members we may add a d.j. and a house band, maybe by tomorrow. put we'll see. yeah. everybody is for that.
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now, you know, i don't know what it is but lately i've been noticing a rash of parenting stories that've been totally crazy. >> did you hear the one about the mom who was arrested for letting her 9-year-old daughter play at the playground? >> larry: no, i haven't heard it, but i love a good joke. continue. >> public safety investigators say 46-year-old debra harrell confessed to leaving her 9-year-old daughter alone in the park for several hours while she went to work. >> debra harrell was arrested and charged with the unlawful neglect of a child. her daughter was reportedly taken into custody. >> larry: well, she left her kid in the park. i guess that doesn't sound too good. and, okay, if there's one way to fix a neglected daughter issue, it's to throw her only parent in jail and toss the kid into the oh-so-reliable foster care system. ( laughter ) problem solved. good. now, you can argue that this mom did or didn't do something wrong, but all this next guy did was send his son to church. check this out.
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>> the charge stems from jeffrey williamson's 8-year-old son, justin, not getting on a church bus with his siblings in may. instead, the boy went to play in the neighborhood. police brought him back and charged his father with child endangering. >> larry: ok, just to be clear the dad got arrested because his son played hooky from church. ( laughter ) i mean, what did you convict him of, not predicting the future? maybe you should stop taking him to our lady of perpetual boredom. okay. it's a very good church, actually. ( applause ) wait, okay, this story actually gets better. because you're probably asking the question, what did this kid do on his church hooky crime wave, steal a car? light a garbage can on fire? knock over a liquor store? what happened? >> justin ended up at the family dollar store on busy route 28, about a half mile from the family's home. >> larry: the dollar store? ( laughter ) he was hanging at the dollar store?
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and his dad got arrested? you know who they should arrest? the liars at the dollar store where everything is not a dollar. ( cheers and applause ) right? but no, they arrest the dad, who then, by the way, winds up losing his job. i'm not making this up. it's absolutely true. and then, ironically,can only shop at the dollar store. it's a cruel church-to-hooky-to dollar-store-to-unemployment-to- dollar-store cycle. bam! i guess the system got you, dad who likes to send his kid to church. there have been so many cases like this lately that some parents are taking matters into their own hands. >> it's an approach known these days as free-range parenting. >> i'm just parenting the way i was parented, the way almost every adult i know was parented. >> larry: i know what you're thinking-- free range just means they're letting their kids roam their property eating grass, right? we're talking about the same thing, right, right?
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no, no, those are open-range kids. free-range parenting is just a new way to say old stuff. just like how yoga replaced stretching. same thing. okay in this case these parents put a tag around their kids' necks so when the kids are on their own, people will know they're not lost and that their parents aren't the horrible monsters society thinks they are, thus avoiding a "church dad" situation. ( laughter ) all right. so let's see what happens to the parents who went to all the trouble of tagging their free-range calves. >> a pair of maryland parents are accused of child neglect after allowing their two kids to walk home alone from a park about a mile away. >> alex and his wife, danielle, say at one point there were six officers at their home. they are now being charged with child neglect. >> larry: "all right officers, we've got a couple of situations out there. officer delancey, you go check on that hostage standoff at the shopping mall. wakowsky, jenkins, mccoy siedell, ruprecht, werthmann
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you guys, see if you can get a handle on those kids walking home from the park, all right? ( applause ) and, hey, be careful out there." who's running that precinct, captain disproportionate? ( laughter ) okay, look, if you want to arrest parents who are actually mistreating their kids, arrest these parents. >> a barber in georgia offering to give bad haircuts to little boys as punishment for misbehaving. russell frederick is giving kids embarrassing haircuts to make them resemble old balding men. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> larry: i know exactly what you're thinking, and that is so ( bleep )ed up, you guys. this kid was publicly humiliated, and nothing happened to the parents. i mean, even captain disproportionate would consider a shaming george jefferson-like haircut a three-officer response.
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( laughter ) and all of these stories remind me that parenting has changed over the years, and i'm not sure that it's changed for the good. i mean are we being over-protective? do we need to give our kids a little space to grow up. and is it the government's job? in fact, back in the 1970s i hosted-- if i may say so myself-- one of the hippest talk shows on uhf. if you could get the reception it was awesome. we actually addressed this very topic. you'll see how ditchly we handled parenting back then. i don't remember exactly what i said, but i remember it was good. take a look. take a look. before we bring out our first get, lola, dig this saturday my wife and i hosted our monthly barbecue. thanks for all the viewers who came out and joined us. it's really a great way to mingle, meet people. nothing like burgers, dogs and
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wife swapping. dig this. i let my youngest son light the barbecue. it's a tradition when a boy turns four and becomes a man. the fire got a little out of hand, the fuzz shows up and i had to beat the crap out of the kid. so far so good. tonight's topic is child discipline-- how far should you go? as a dad, i think the most important thing you could tell your kid is shut the ( bleep ) up. ( laughter ) i can't think of a better role model than fred g. stanford. there are all kind of ways to discipline a kid. you throw a book at the back of the kid's head. that will get their attention. after you've gotten their attention, they can read the book. dig that. words of wisdom. oh, 70s larry, simpler times. we'll be right back.
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[indistinct high pitched speech] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ [loud electric guitar solo] ♪ it's a different kind of peanut butter cup. smooth and crunchy butterfinger peanut butter cups. ♪ now in minis. ♪ nestlé. good food. good life. flo: hey, big guy. i heard you lost a close one today. look, jamie, maybe we weren't the lowest rate this time. but when you show people their progressive direct rate and our competitors' rates you can't win them all. the important part is, you helped them save. thanks, flo. okay, let's go get you an ice cream cone, champ. with sprinkles? sprinkles are for winners. i understand.
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( cheers and applause ) >> larry: they're very good. welcome back. we're talking about parenting and discipline and government and all that stuff. joining me on the panel tonight: actress and comedian, retta. actress and active ieft she's been in many of my favorite things-- anne-marie johnson. author of "parenting on
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purpose," deborah tillman. and one of the funniest comedians out there and host of "stand up! with pete dominick" on sirius xm, pete dominick. we talked about parenting and discipline-- i find discipline-- you can talk about this, too, it is one of the most divisive issue here in our country. i want to ask this question first, who, here was spank as a child? >> proudly. >> would a spoon count? i never-- >> larry: is that how you were spanked? >> my mom hit me with a wooden spoon. >> larry: where does dshe hit you? >> across the back until it broke and then she stabbed me. >> larry: she stabbed you? >> no-- yes, puncture wounds. >> larry: i think there's another question. most of the people i talk to from a certain generation have been spanked.
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but they feel differently about spanking. >> yes! >> larry: so would you spank? >> yes. >> larry: you would spank? >> yes. >> no! first of all, stop calling it spanking larry. it's hitting your kid! >> it's spanking. >> it's hitting your kids. you hit them. you don't little people! >> larry: i don't,-- i don't think you have watched "game of thrones "my friend. >> a lot of parents-- >> it's called read ago. >> larry: you're completely against it? >> yes! >> larry: but your mom stabbed you with a spoon. >> which is why i'm not hitting my kids! >> larry: i get ti it i get it. retta, where do you stand? >> i believe in hitting but it has to be a situation where when you talk to the child you they have to understand what they did and you say the next time-- >> larry: what level of spanking? you wouldn't use a belt or something like that? >> no. >> larry: you just hit them on the behind or something like
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that? >> yes. >> larry: deborah, you're look at-- >> discipline-- we have to go back to what it means. discipline means to teach and when you hit a child that teaches them that's how we handle a problem, by hitting and that's why we have a violent society now because everybody is hitting and not communicating and not resolving. or -- >> i have to tell this story. i used to do this to my kids when they were real little. it didn't hurt but it would get their attention. and i remember i did it to my son and he was three or four i said "john don't do that." and i did that and he said, "don't hit johnny." and it broke my heart. and i said "you know what? you're right." i never did it again. but i want to ask you this, do you think society has too much to say now in how we raise our kids? is it the right amount? are they interfering too much? some of these stories about parents getting arrested for letting their kids walk to the park? >> i think so many people are so screwed up society has to intervene. >> right. >> i think we have a cult ofure
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of so many screwed up people that sometimes society has to intervene. when they talk about it takes a village, it really does because some people were not-- were not put on earth to have children. >> larry: retta, your family is from liberia right-- >> ( applause ) talk to me about the whole village raising thing there. >> oh, they believe in that. anyone could discipline any child in any situation if you -- >> discipline in liberia, what's that? >> you could get smacked by somebody else. >> larry: liberia smacked. it's different from america shack. >> i didn't grow up in liberia. i grew up with liberiaians. >> larry: how did you know what i meant by that? >> it really does work. we all have to live in this community together. >> yes diswhr. >> so why not be able to help and support parents? and if the parents, a single mom can't do it, why not step in and support her? >> larry: but they're punishing the single mom. this is a single mom who their kid was left at home because she didn't have the fund to--
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>> , of course,. >> it's about economics. you asked has society got too much information? and -- >> are they interfierce too much? >> we are about everything but the spoint i'll flip that on its head-- things are better today than they've ever been. violence is down. there's no kidnapping. i had a neighbor say "why are you letting your daughter, she's seven years old you're letting her walk the dog around?" i said i want to raise her to be competent and independent and oh, no one has ever been kidnapped in my community ever. it doesn't happen. granted i have her microchipped and wearing a helmet. >> larry: retta you were going to say something earlier. >> well i was going to agree with anne marie in that, yes, we live in a better situation now, but it's not perfect. your kids should be able to do certain things out in public. >> it has to be in the best translate child and it has to be the parent making that
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choice-- you won't do it. >> larry: let me ask you a side issue because spanking, i know, is very divisive. how about disciplining kids? i think we've been a little lax on that. >> yes. >> larry: can you just be, like, in a store, you know, as a parent and you see a kid doing something wrong, is it okay to tell that kid, "you need to stop?" >> i do. >> larry: can you discipline someone else's kid. >> i do. but they don't like you to. >> larry: are you cool with someone doing it to your kid? >> yes and meas 22 he's 22 so-- i raised him-- he's a great kid. >> larry: pete, are you cool with somebody else dispg your seven-year-old? >> somebody else disciplining my daughter absolutely if it's appropriate. i gotta say, my kids are very well behaved. if they take the kids and put them in a windowless van yeah, that's an issue. >> larry: i don't want to go there. it's starting to get dark here. >> and i'm at the mall, when i'm at a playgroundue guys don't know this, you don't know my
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struggle as a white bald guy under 40, everybody know thinks i'm the kid snatcher. >> oh! >> seriously, you picture me and larry wilmore at the playground, and he's in a suit, who do you leave your kid with? >> well, he has a suit on? >> larry: i'm not sure if we should spaimpg our kids or not, but i do know never leave your kid with ♪ so... that hostel you found on booking.com turns the last night of your trip... into the first day of the rest of your life. ♪ in that perfectly selected romantic château... words escape you.... luckily, she doesn't. nine months later.... responsibilities. two of them. you take them to an eco-lodge... to become one with nature. ...and they do. ♪..but there's a story inside you. so you check into this log cabin where, inspiration... ♪... strikes. ♪ ♪
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( cheers and applause ) >> larry: all right. it's okay.
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thank you. it's time to get real on a personal level. i love this crowd tonight. ( cheers ) but now we gotta keep it 100. remember, i'm going to ask each of you a question. if the audience thinks you're keeping it 100% real with us, they'll let you know, and i'll give you this fancy, high- quality sticker. if you don't i'll give you weak tea. we'll give everyone the same question on this. retta, let's start with you. and whatever your child situation is now, just don't think about that. it's what's on this card okay? right now you have one kid. you have one kid. like, a young child say 8 or 9, whatever. it's not your 22-year-old scenario, because this does not work. let's make it even cuter like 4 or 5, really cute the cutest
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age possible. >> 3! >> larry: that's even cuter. it doesn't get cuter than 3. terrible twos really cute 3. >> it's got to be 3. >> larry: you have to put up your child for adoption. it got sad all of a sudden, didn't it? so, what other race would you let raise your child? and and it can't be your own race. and why? >> i have to choose one. >> larry: you have to choose. >> that's so wrong. >> um-- gosh. i don't know. filipino? >> larry: filipino. okay. and why? >> because -- >> why filipino? >> because i know a lot of filipinos, and i feel like they-- based on my family they raise their kids similar to what my parents did, and i think my parent did a good job.
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>> larry: you are going with what you know. >> yes. >> larry: okay, that's keeping it real. ( applause ) what other race would you let raise your child and it can't be your own race? >> does that include africa, kenyan? no? >> larry: kenyan not a race. >> african, not a. >> let's do... asian. let's do asian. >> larry: tiger mom? >> tiger mom. >> larry: is that why? >> yeah. you knew from my face. >> larry: is that it? is she keeping it 100? ( applause ) she's keeping it 100. >> tiger mom. >> larry: pete, what do you got? >> saudis? >> is that a race? >> larry: why saudi. it's not a race?
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okay, a group. >> definitely the jews. >> larry: the jews? ( applause ). >> not those two. but -- >> and why the jews? >> because there is a real premium on critical thinking and education. >> larry: are you cizzing up to the jew-- kiss up to the jews right now? >> yes,im. >> larry: is he keeping it 100? ( applause ) okay. he might be kissing up a little bit. go for it. >> i'm going to kiss up by i kiss my jewish husband's ass all the time. >> larry: no no, it can't be-- sorry. >> so it can't be jewish. >> larry: nope nope, because he's your husband. >> so it has to be-- then i would have to say the latino community. i would want -- >> latino? >> i would want-- only becausent the excitement the love, the romance, the seriousness the la familia.
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>> larry: the food. is she keeping it 100? ( applause ). >> larry: keeping it 100. and i'm giving you a little tea for the jewish husband. we'll be right back with more. flo: hey, big guy. i heard you lost a close one today. look, jamie, maybe we weren't the lowest rate this time. but when you show people their progressive direct rate and our competitors' rates you can't win them all. the important part is, you helped
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them save. thanks, flo. okay, let's go get you an ice cream cone, champ. with sprinkles? sprinkles are for winners. i understand. [indistinct high pitched speech] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ [loud electric guitar solo] ♪ it's a different kind of peanut butter cup. smooth and crunchy butterfinger peanut butter cups. ♪ now in minis. ♪ nestlé. good food. good life.
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i bring the gift of the name your price tool to help you find a price that fits your budget. uh-oh. the name your price tool. she's not to be trusted. kill her. flo: it will save you money! the name your price tool isn't witchcraft! and i didn't turn your daughter into a rooster. she just looks like that. burn the witch! the name your price tool a dangerously progressive idea. shopping online is as easy as it gets. wouldn't it be great if hiring plumbers, carpenters and even piano tuners were just as simple? thanks to angie's list now it is. start shopping online from a list of top-rated providers. visit angieslist.com today.
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( cheers and applause ) >> larry: that's all the time we have for tonight. i want to thank our panelists, retta, anne-marie johnson, deborah tillman and pete dominick. ( cheers and applause ) thank you. as always, thanks for helping me
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keep it a hundred on twitter. each of our panelists had to answer a tough question, and i hold myself to the same standard. now, remember, i don't get a chance to see this question until right now. tonight's question comes from @garrettw.savage. ok, give me the question. oh my gosh. if your child murdered someone you didn't like, would you help them cover it up? ( laughter ) though i would appreciate the gesture-- no, no, no, my child can't get away with murder. it just can't happen. what am ing if to turn in my child for murder? we'll see. it depends who it is. you can throw some weak tea. finally, we have a special show in the works for tomorrow night. this time you guys get to ask the questions. we have received hundreds of great questions about the topics we have covered so far, from vaccinating our kids to obesity to black fatherhood to bill cosby. keep them coming. you can submit your questions on twitter with the hashtag nightly
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show. you can even make a short video of your question if you want. head to thenightlyshow.com for more details. finally, the audience has not heard this but jon stewart just announced this is his last year on "the daily show." i think i speak for everyone when i say we love you man, and i just want to thank you for everything. good nightly everyone. ( applause ) ♪ i'm going down to south park, gonna have myself a time ♪ ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ ♪ going down to south park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪ ♪ ample parking day or night ♪

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